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| Artist:Chiara Bautista |
So I started to think about the importance of looking after ourselves, having regular treatment and practising self love as we approach the winter months; and yet whilst this is all good and necessary, it occurred to me that self love is something we should all be practising every moment of everyday anyway. This led me to think how actually there is this crazy notion in the western world, that to really love ourselves and put ourselves first is selfish; and that most of us don't love and take care of ourselves the way we should.
There is an old saying that you can't pour from an empty cup and yet for many of us this is exactly what we do on a daily basis; especially women (sorry men I know you work hard to!) who are more natural care givers and in our modern world, find themselves not only looking after children (and sometimes elderly parents), but keeping the flow of the home and also having to juggle paid work too. The increasing pressures placed on people in terms of our time and energy in order to maintain our lifestyles is real and yet somehow, by taking time out for ourselves to enjoy a massage and maintain the health of our own mind and body, we feel guilty, we feel like we're being self indulgent.
This seems strangely paradoxical given how narcissistic society is becoming. We invest so much of ourselves in this world in terms of our desires for material gain, always looking to the world to make us happy. Most of us spend too much time looking out onto the lives of others via social media rather then spending that time sitting quietly with ourselves. We think nothing of spending money on our car, a new kitchen or fill in the blank and yet to put money aside each month to invest in our own health and wellness by having a treatment seems somewhat frivolous and we tell ourselves that as much as we would enjoy and benefit from massage/bodywork we just can't afford it.
The truth is though (and I admit this has/is taking some learning) if we don't fill ourselves up with self love to the point of bursting then we can't properly love or look after our family, friends or indeed the world. By truly loving ourselves we get to live our lives from the inside out in our own unique and beautiful way. We become in tune with our real selves. our lives become more authentic to who we really are, we feel energised and inspired to create, share our gifts and we become good for one another.
By not practising self love however we find ourselves living from the outside in, constantly chasing a forever elusive return on the investment we put in. We tell ourselves the next holiday, the next home improvement, the next gadget, pair of shoes or relationship will complete us and yet the joy or love for these things is always fleeting. We compromise ourselves and as a result become tired, stressed, relationships become fraught and life feels more like a struggle then joyful. Stress related conditions begin to manifest and we become no good to ourselves let alone anyone else.
Cooking ourselves a healthy nutritious meal, getting enough exercise and making time to do the things we enjoy are all acts of self love (if we're genuinely doing it for ourselves and not just to post pictures on social media!) and yet as with most things that are good for us, there is always some resistance; and no more so it seems then loving ourselves. For as well as feeling unnecessarily selfish for putting ourselves first there is also the matter of our own sense of self worth. Low self esteem, past traumas, not feeling loved as a child and perceived past wrongs that we haven't/ can't forgive ourselves for, all keep us imprisoned in a sense of unworthiness.
It's not surprising that so many people hide from themselves in the world rather then confront these issues and yet letting go of all this, forgiving ourselves and loving ourselves despite it all, is what truly heals us and heals the world. Of course there are many paths and personal journeys that people go on in order to arrive back at themselves and massage/bodywork work is but a tool; but in my experience of being a massage therapist and having received a lot of bodywork, I know that it can be a very powerful tool for inner transformation and self love.
How massage /bodywork can be a powerful tool for transformation and self love...
- To make the decision to have a massage/treatment, to book the appointment and then to travel and make your way there is an act of self love before the actual massage even begins because you've made the effort for yourself and on a deeper level you're letting yourself know that you're worth it. I have a client who comes every month and pays by standing order and I love the way she's put her name and 'self care' as the reference for the payee details.
- I always begin a massage session with a minute of still work where I allow space for myself and my client to tune into our breath and bring ourselves into the present moment. Again this is powerful stuff because how many times a day do we actually do this? From this place there is an anchoring, a safe shelter to rest from the constant pulls and demands of the world and our own chattering mind. There is a no judgement here, just a sense of coming home. If this is new to people it may introduce the benefits of a regular meditation practise.
- Within a massage session there is an element of surrender, of handing over control and allowing someone else to take care of us. To be constantly giving out to others we need to feel that we're being looked after too. Touch is a powerful medicine, it makes us feel loved. Sadly many people, the elderly in particular are deprived of touch. Massage can be incredibly healing and I've encountered many clients, especially those dealing with issues of not feeling loved, being brought to tears by the simple act of a loving touch.
- In a world that is always telling us and making us feel that we're not good enough (mainly so it can sell us something) it's little wonder that so many of us have insecurities with our bodies and the way we look. To feel that we're not good looking/ pretty enough can really impact on the way we feel within which is really sad and removes us from inner power. Indeed to be confident in our own skin is an act of revolution these days and massage/bodywork can really help with this, because it gives us the opportunity to connect to and enjoy our body for the amazing thing that it is.
- Massage aims to relieve the body of chronic soft tissue pain and lets face it pain can really bring us down. Sometimes we hang on to pain long after the initial injury; our bodies literally stuck in a holding pattern of defence against the original trauma. Sometimes we subconsciously hang on to pain because it's serving us in some way; maybe because of the attention//love we receive from people or perhaps because we have become identified with our diagnosis/condition. Massage/bodywork can go along way in relieving the body of pain whilst giving us permission to self love and release that which may be preventing us from healing.
- There is a saying that 'our issues are in our tissues' in that the body acts like a buffer or sponge for a lot of our mental and emotional trauma. By working on the body to release physical tension a lot of emotional stuff can come to the surface and clients often surprise themselves by feeling suddenly tearful during or after a massage. By being mindful of what comes up without being drawn into it, we're able to process and let go of it and this is extremely healing for us because it means we're no longer carrying it around in our body as physical tension which in the long term can cause illness.
Massage/bodywork, for all it's many benefits, simply feels really good; and to put some time and money aside each month to have a treatment is truely an enjoyable and healing gift to give to ourselves. It's an opportunity to show ourselves love, put back that which life takes out of us, return to balance and honour that which is within; so we may become the best version of ourselves and the best that we can be for others.
